There comes a point in our lives when we realise certain things.
I´ve had a lot of those and at the very moment thinking this is it. This is the right decision. Then some time passes and again I realise that´s not it. And all these mind changing moments happen because we are human, we make mistakes, we make decisions based on gut feelings, on previous experiences in our lives, on fear and so on.
In that certain moment you are so sure that you have made the right decision. Some people say you should never regret what you have done, only what you haven´t. They say you should not regret anything because you always do what you think is best at the time. And who would with purpose make a bad decision? Well, everybody! We´re quite capable of making a bad decision with purpose for so many reasons.
I agree it is a waste of time regretting and punishing ourselves for what happened. But sometimes you just can´t let go. What if in that very moment years ago when you thought this was the right decision and you acted out of fear? Fear of the unknown, fear of the new. Then years later you realise that the decision wasn’t the right one and you regret it because you didn’t jump into something new?
What are you supposed to do? Jump into the time machine and travel back? Oh no, you can’t do that. Everybody wishes they had a time machine. My driving instructor says something really simple when I make a mistake while driving: “ok, now we passed that tunnel, you made that mistake, but it´s history now”. Yes, simple as that. I try to use this simple philosophy as much as I can, but sometimes it´s hard.
There are moments, places, music, colors that remind me of my history. Some of it I simply just can’t let go. The never-ending question “what if”? But there is also a risk involved if you don’t know what you really want and if you choose to go back to a certain moment; catch up with that certain moment still feeling insecure that you´ll make the same decision and drag everybody around you into the big black hole.
So I move on with my life, with some regrets of what I´ve done, most of what I haven´t but maybe I´ll learn one day not to do that.
“Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, “It might have been.”